Is your child:

1. Underachieving?
2. Abusing drugs, alcohol, or food?
3. Sleeping too much or too little?
4. Worrying excessively?
5. Having angry outbursts?
6. Prone to stomach aches, headaches, and muscle pain?
7. Using abusive language more often?
8. Unable to concentrate?
9. Difficult to get along with?
10. Withdrawn and unhappy?

IF YOU ANSWERED YES TO THREE OR MORE OF THESE QUESTIONS, THEN YOUR CHILD MAY BE SUFFERING FROM THE EFFECTS OF STRESS.

WHAT IS STRESS?

Stress can come from any situation, thought, or event that makes a person feel frustrated, angry, or anxious. What is stressful to one person is not necessarily stressful to another.

Stress isn’t always bad. In small doses, it can help people perform under pressure and motivate them to do their best. But when people are constantly running in emergency mode, their mind and body pay the price.

WATCH FOR THESE SYMPTOMS OF STRESS

Most people associate stress with adults; the stress of getting laid off or pushing too hard as the holiday season approaches. But children and young people can also suffer the negative impacts of stress.

It is often more difficult to recognize the symptoms of stress and anxiety in children. Often, children do not consciously realize that they are anxious or stressed, or they may have difficulty verbalizing their feelings.

Sometimes, physical symptoms can be a warning sign of stress in your child:
-Tremors, trembling of lips and/or hands.
-Headaches, neck ache, back pain, muscle spasms
-Difficulty sleeping
-Changes in appetite
-Upset stomach
-Teeth grinding and/or nail-biting
-Frequent colds and infections

Stress also has an emotional component:
-Irritability, moodiness, and short temper
-Excessive worrying
-Frequent crying spells
-Jitters

As kids rush from family gatherings to school performances and sporting events, they can experience that same stretched to the limit feeling that their parents feel.

UNDERSTAND – THE SOURCES OF STRESS

What are the stressors in your child’s life that are causing him or her to have these physical and emotional symptoms? You may be surprised to learn that children suffer from many of the same stressors as adults. They, too, worry when a parent gets laid off or when there is some other crisis in the family. They just may not verbalize their fears.

In addition, children have their own share of childhood stressors that vary from age to age. The stressors that an eight-year-old faces are entirely different from those of a teen. And research has shown that boys and girls each have their own set of challenges to overcome as they mature.

Understanding the stressors in your child’s life can help alert you to potential problems. Each stressor below is like a red flag that cries, “Pay Attention!” Your child may need some additional help or TLC during this time in his or her life.

-Sudden changes, such as death in the family or birth of a new child.
-School pressures, such s bullying, failure to keep up academically, or failure to make a sports team.
-Social pressures, such as difficulty with friendships or peer pressure to engage in risky behaviors.
-Lack of quality time with parents and/or other caring adult.
-Crammed schedules, not having enough time to rest, and always being on the go.

LEARN – THE IMPACTS OF STRESS

Stress affects everybody. Studies estimate that as much as 50% to 80% of all diseases are related. For adults, this means frequent illness, excessive absenteeism, high unemployment rates, a decrease in income, a rise in insurance rates, and lower life expectancy.

What does all this mean for children? Many of the same things. The impact of stress on children is just as dramatic. The sources of stress, which you have just read about. lead to symptoms both physical and emotional. From symptoms, it is only one short step to the final stage in the cycle – an array of chronic illnesses that plague many children as a result of stress:

-Addictive behavior (drugs, alcohol, cigarettes)
-Disordered eating and/or disordered body image
-Compulsive behaviors, such as rituals before bedtime, “checking”, or list making
-Chronic depression, with symptoms of low self-esteem and worthlessness
-Panic attacks, in which the child experiences racing heart, sweating, and uncontrollable shaking, often associated with fear or leaving the house
-Phobias that might lead to avoidance of being around other people or traveling on the school bus
-Learning disorders
-Chronic absenteeism from school, due to physical or emotional ailments
-Anxiety disorders, marked by excessive worry, guilt, and nervousness.

A WORD TO THE WISE – EARLY INTERVENTION

Try a Mini-Relaxation technique with your child

During a stressful situation, breathing becomes shallow, fast, and irregular. You can teach your child a breathing technique that will trigger a relaxation response. Deep breathing interrupts the panic response, replacing it with a calming response. Try practicing this technique with your child and experience the beneficial effects together:

-SLOWLY INHALE — As you do, have your child follow along with you.
-As you breathe in, EXPAND YOUR STOMACH to the count of three.
-Pay particular attention to SLOW, DEEP, SMOOTH, AND STEADY INHALATION.
-Before breathing out, CHOOSE A RELAXING WORD OR PHRASE TO REPEAT as you exhale to the count of three.
-With each exhalation, PLACE YOUR HANDS ON YOUR STOMACH and feel it deflate or flatten.
-Each time you EXHALE, DO SO SLOWLY AND EVENLY.

With practice, this technique can be used anytime, anywhere as a safe and effective means to regain emotional equilibrium and reduce vulnerability.

Helpful Hints for Parents

The breathing technique is one step closer to early intervention. But there are other ways you can help calm your child and provide an atmosphere with less stress and more positive energy.

PRAISE: Don’t focus on the negative. Take time to praise achievement and good behavior.
TIME: Spend quality time — talk, do projects, play games or sports.
LISTEN: Listen and show empathy when your child is upset instead of lecturing and providing him or her with quick solutions.
RULES: Establish clear rules and enforce them consistently
PARTICIPATION: Get involved! Attend games, recitals, and parent’s night. Show that you care.
RESPONSIBILITY: Teach children a sense of responsibility.
CULTIVATE: Provide room for growth. Encourage outside interests in sports, music, arts, and social activities.
COMFORT: Discuss traumatic events or fears rationally. Try to provide comfort and support.
TACT: Offer constructive criticism as a means of self-improvement. Be mindful of your child’s feelings.

A WORD TO THE WISE – TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

While it is easy to allow your life to revolve around your children, you too, have needs. Spend time with your significant other and close friends. Keep up with hobbies, try to eat properly, get enough sleep, and take time to exercise.

Finally, if you don’t take care of yourself for you, then do so for your children. Why? Because what you do and how you feel can have a huge impact on your children. Studies have shown that children as young as infants can read the emotional clues around them.

This means that, when parents are stressed, children pick up on parents’ body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice when parents try to hide or mask their feelings.

Below are some practices and coping techniques that will help you stay healthy and calm, making parenting more successful and lower the stress level around you:

REDUCE WORRY AND NEGATIVE IMAGINATION–Think positively and plan for success by taking rational action for worries you can do something about. Remember, worrying does not solve problems, rational action does.
SELF-REMOVAL–Sometimes the best way to deal with a situation is to walk away. In doing so, the negative effects of losing your temper are minimized, and you are able to take a few minutes to breathe and think more clearly before reacting.
DO NOT BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP–Asking for support from a good friend or family member can be helpful. If you become overwhelmed with stress, consider speaking to a healthcare professional who can teach you coping techniques.
EXERCISE–During exercise, endorphins are released, causing greater feelings of happiness and well being. Exercise, especially more calming exercise, such as yoga, is a proven stress reducer and allows for greater self control.
LEARN TO SAY NO–Do not try to be all things to all people. Learn to say “No” to unreasonable demands.
LIVE IN THE HERE AND NOW–Enjoy the present instead of focusing on the past and the future. Take time to smell the roses.
MANAGE YOUR TIME–Develop realistic goals. Do not push yourself to the point of diminishing returns.

KNOW WHEN TO ASK FOR HELP

Stress is an inevitable part of human life, and young people have to learn to deal with it. However, some children let the stressors in life get the best of them and develop physical and emotional problems. When parental intervention fails, professional help is often necessary.

WHAT WORKS BEST?

PROGRAMS THAT WORK BEST IDENTIFY THE CAUSE OF STRESS AND DEVELOP PROBLEM SOLVING AND COPING TECHNIQUES TO DEAL WITH STRESSORS. MOST SUCCESSFUL STRESS MANAGEMENT PROGRAMS FOR CHILDREN USE A MULTIDIMENSIONAL APPROACH.

THESE PROGRAMS COMBINE COGNITIVE-BEHAVIORAL PSYCHOTHERAPY AND BIOFEEDBACK-ASSISTED RELAXATION TRAINING TO TEACH STRESS MANAGEMENT COPING STRATEGIES. FINALLY, A SYSTEMS APPROACH THAT INCLUDES FAMILY COUNSELING, PARENT TRAINING, ND SCHOOL ADVOCACY HAS PROVEN MOST BENEFICIAL IN BRINGING ABOUT LASTING IMPROVEMENT.